Hello, friends. My name's Derrick and I'm fucking stupid.
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ohitsjustkim:

esm398:

jakebumlick:

pika-brew:

pika-brew:

My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.

The guy said sure.

So we decided to leave a nice little note
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and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!

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oMGGGG

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pizza cares

Pizza understands

pizza spelt its own name wrong

mothballmilkshake:

When I’m dating a man I’m no longer bisexual

Just like when I’m at home, I’m no longer employed

Or when I’m not studying I’m no longer a student.

Mmm object impermanency 

pizzaismylifepizzaisking:

ultrafacts:

Source For more facts, Follow Ultrafacts

Capone prided himself as a man with style. If he ever killed someone himself, or one of his henchmen killed an important person, hundreds of dollars worth of flowers was sent to the funeral. In one fight between Capone’s men and another gang, an innocent woman was shot, not fatally, and required hospital treatment. Capone personally paid for all the hospital fees. He also would pay for all children’s hospital bills when he visited.

putins-boyfriend:

happy-avocado:

aye-lemme-whisper-in-yo-ear:

kushdrinker:

have u ever tried to look cool in front of ur friends and u image

i have been laughing at this for 10 minutes straight. 

both his pants and underwear came off how did he even manage

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

awwww-cute:

Got the bigger, blacker box today in the mail. My cat was thrilled

amateurcracksman:

When you get to the bottom of a really shitty post and you have to scroll back up like “who the Heck put this on my dash”

paparchimedes:

There are several stages of loving a character

Stage 0: who’s that they look cool

Stage 1: wow i like this character

Stage 2: they’re my favorite

Stage 3: i love them

Stage 4: tHEY’RE SO PERFECT

Stage 5: i ha te yOU AND I LO VE YOU SO GODDANG MU CH

Stage 6: YOU PIECE OF FREAKING TR ASH YOU RUINED MY LIFE THE DAY I LAID EYES ON YOU I’M GOIN G TO KILL YO U AND D RO WN YOU IN MY TEARS

yelled:

when you wake up early in the morning and sit on the edge of your bed like

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alphabitches:

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my anaconda don’t…

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  • AHS fandom: They can't bring Pepper back! That defeats the whole purpose of an anthology! I don't approve of this decision.
  • AHS fandom: OMG imagine if season 5 is Asylum the sequel? Sarah playing Lana again is all I ever wanted!